


The One He Chose

by CraftKookies



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Forced Marriage, Mental Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2019-09-18 16:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CraftKookies/pseuds/CraftKookies
Summary: When the Vikings took over the king had an interesting method of keeping his kingdom safe.





	1. Chapter 1

Your Kingdom was a small one, so small it was often overlooked. This was what made it so safe, that paired with its small amount of resources meant it was really of no value.While Wessex, Northumbria and Mercia were constantly at odds with each other your tiny country out of it despite it being just outside of Wessex.

It was a little safe place, until the Heathens arrived.

Their army was so massive that it greatly outnumbered the entire population.

When the look outs saw all their impressive ships it was mass hysteria, women and children cried as the men were forced to take up arms to enlarge the army.

Even you had fallen into the category of forced healer, helping the other nuns mix up medicines and creams for the injuries they would surely have to treat soon

This all turned out to be done in vain as the lookouts reported that the Heathen Army was going a different route to get to Wessex; a path that never even entered your territory.

Everyone took a sigh of relief and held a large mass to thank God for his mercy, but you all knew it was not over. The path they took was perfect for war, out of the sight of Northumbrian lookouts but from Northumbria you could effortlessly reach Wessex by going through the kingdom.

Your King did not want his people to fall into such a frenzy again, he wanted to be prepared for the Northmen who would no doubt take the shortest route to their ships through the kingdom.

At the same time he didn’t want to go against them, his small army stood no chance. So without consulting his advisers he sent an envoy to Northumbria after he had heard of King Aelle’s execution.

None of this was told to his people when he announced that he was aware the Heathens would soon enter the Kingdom. All he said was that the Vikings would be having a celebration in their country after they returned from Wessex.

While it still filled you all with fear but at least this way their would be no battle.

Everyone hid their valuables in the church, children made to stay inside men asked their women to dirty themselves to look unattractive.

Alas the lookouts announced the Heathens would be here in no less than two days. Leaving a day to make sure the courtyard was ready for the celebration and everyone was expected to help out, even the nuns.

‘I cannot believe this, making Nuns prepare for Heathens, God forgive me for saying but I do think fighting them is the righteous thing to do.’ Sister Clarice complained as you and she gathered jugs and pitchers to serve wine.

‘We can either prepare to serve them or prepare to bury all the men they kill if we try and fight them. What is righteous about a pointless death?’ you said, growing tired of her complaints.

She lowered her head and stayed quiet.

You were not like her, you had no desire to fight these Pagans, you wanted the kingdom to remain the quiet safe haven it had always been. If that meant serving men of a different faith for a few nights so be it.

Soon the day came and even the air seemed tense as you all waited for the Heathens to arrive.

‘May God look over us and bless us with his mercy, may he keep us safe.’ you prayed, placing a kiss on your cross.

When they enter the court yard you are almost surprised to see that they were just…men. Not ten foot giants with glowing blue eyes and sharp teeth, just men wearing animal skins and armor.

As they piled into the courtyard the King stood from his seat at the high table.

‘Welcome Northmen, who can I communicate with?’ he asked.

The men all looked confused, it seemed no one understood him and for a second you wondered if this would work at all.

‘I can speak with you!’ came a voice from the middle of the crowd.

A path cleared as a horse carrying a cart like nothing you had ever seen came into view. Once it was close enough you realized that the strange chart was was carrying a man who was also reigning the horse from his seat.

‘Ah, may I ask your name?’ the king asked.

‘Ivar…the Boneless, what do I call you?’ the man replied.

‘I am King Matthew, I and my people welcome you and your army here in peace. Please tell your people they may help themselves to our food, and wine, we want you to enjoy your stay here before you return to your ships.’

The Pagan turned to his people and yelled in their strange language a man further back repeated it so the men even further back also got the message.

A few men walked up to the man in the and whispered to him.

He nodded to all of them before turning to the king once more.

‘Let me introduce you to my brothers. This is Bjorn Ironside, Ubbe, Hvitserk and Sigurd Snake in the Eye. And we are the Sons of Ragnar and the rulers of the army.’ Ivar said, holding out his arms.

You and all your fellow Christians gasped at the mere mentioning of the name Ragnar Lothbrok. He was the man that started this, the one who brought his entire country to yours, the man that went from farmer to feared viking king.

‘We are happy to be in the presence of such famous company, please eat drink and be merry, I have special places for you, the Sons of Ragnar here at my table.’ the king offered.

Again Ivar yelled to his people and this time they all began to sit at the many tables that were sat with plenty of food and women began filling chalices with wine.

One of the Sons of Ragnar, Ubbe if you remember correctly, pulled Ivar from his cart and lowered him to the ground, while the other women were busy pouring drinks the nuns who were responsible for the food.

You in particular were serving the high table, being one of the younger nuns and being able to move faster than your superiors. The others just took the food from the table, at the high table the king and Ragnarsons were to be served.

None of the other nuns were looking at the ground, all ashamed to be serving these Pagans and the others were busy serving the many others. So no one saw that Ivar did not walk once his brother sat him down, in fact he didn’t stand at all.

He sat on the floor and proceeded to crawl to the high table.

No one but you and the King seemed to pay it any attention to it, but you couldn’t look away. You saw his legs were strapped together and his arms seemed to be the only thing moving him.

His legs didn’t work…he was crippled.

Still when you looked past his legs and back to his face you knew there was so much more to him. You did not know this man at all yet you know he was a man to be feared, and he was a an intelligent man.

Finally he and his brothers reached the high table and took their seats.

Quickly you and your sisters filled their cups with wine.

‘When I heard what King Aelle had done to your father I knew I would probably be meeting you all soon.’

The oldest looking man, Bjorn, said something you didn’t understand with a confused face.

Ivar seemed to translate and the older man let out a hearty laugh before saying something that made his brothers all laugh.

‘What did he say?’ your king asked.

Ivar took a moment to compose himself before speaking.

‘He said it is nice to see you are as wise as you are kind.’ the viking grinned.

Something told you that was not at all what had been said.

You were placing plates of food on the table while the others either made the plates or poured the wine.

As you sat each plate down you were unaware of the looks you were receiving from the men you were serving.

One man’s stare was far hungrier than the rest as you went back to your place with the others.

‘Now while this is fun there is obvious business to discuss.’ Ivar said seriously.

All pleasantries left the kings jovial face.

‘Yes there is, as nice as your company is I must say I would not mind ever seeing here in my kingdom again.’

‘I will be honest, you kingdom is too small to be of any real value, but it also wouldn’t take much effort to take. There are many kings in this army eager to take whatever land they can, yours is low hanging fruit to them.’ Ivar said.

‘I understand that very well, that is why I made the proposition that I did.’

‘It was an odd proposal, I’m sure you haven’t announced it to your people. If they knew I am sure they would all be much more afraid.’ Ivar smiled.

At that you felt your heart fill with fear. What was he talking about? What did the king propose to them?

The other nuns had clearly been listening as well, they all froze. Sister Jude had use the table for support to keep herself from fainting in fear.

‘I did not, I did not want them to be to frighten to work on our feast.’ you king said smoothly.

Ivar nodded and spoke with his brothers and they began a very serious conversation, and while you tried to follow along it was pointless since you didn’t understand the language at all. The conversation soon seemed to dissolve into a brotherly spat.

Each of them moving their hands wildly, pointing at the others or at themselves as they got louder. At last Bjorn’s voice bellowed over the rest and seemed to rally them enough to get them back on track.

Finally it appears they have come to an agreement.

‘Me and my brothers have decided to take your offer.’ Ivar said.

While the king sighed in relief you were still tense, you didn’t know what the king had promised these men.

‘I am only willing to give one, so who will be the lucky man be?’ the king asked.

‘My brothers have to decided it shall me who takes your prize.’

‘Well then, pick your prize any woman you want and she is yours.

At that everyone seemed frozen in fear.

The king had promised these men a woman.

A Christian woman.

All the women pouring the drinks stopped immediately, backing away from the men they were serving.

This seemed to confuse the viking warriors.

‘Explain it to your people, and please make sure that ALL of them agree to the terms.’ King Matthew whispered to Ivar.

Ivar sat down the meat he had been eating and wiped his mouth with the back of his gloved hand before he began announcing to his people.

Since you didn’t understand what was being said you were confused when every warrior raised their left arm and in seemed to chant in unison.

‘What did they say?’ the king asked.

‘They have given their word, no one here will ever return to your lands with ill intentions, nor will they allow anyone else to do so.’ Ivar answered.

‘Good, now than pick your woman, anyone you want and she is yours. I made sure every single one was here.’ King Matthew said loudly.

The women were now crowding together, holding onto each other, hoping that holding one another would keep them from being torn apart.

Even your fellow nuns at the high table seem to be physically shaking with fear, even you felt your heart race.

Someone needed to say something, before the king actually sold one of the women off.

‘My King.’ you spoke up, walking around the table to face the men you had been serving.

The men all looked at you, making you feel strange about being the center of attention. That was not a common occurrence for a nun.

‘Your king is discussing business and you choose now to interrupt?’ he scowled.

‘Forgive my rudeness my King, but I beg you to reconsider.’ you said quietly.

‘These women are terrified at even the thought of leaving with these men. Half of them are married with families and the rest eager to start good Christian families of their own.’ you reasoned.

‘You dare to suggest that I do not take into consideration everyone’s well being? Why do you think I only offered one woman when I could have offered every woman here. I even made sure the woman chosen would be made a wife.’

‘I understand you meant well for your people my lord, but that is not how the woman is going to see it. In her eyes you have sold her off…ruined her life.’ you responded

At that the king went red in the face seemingly ready to unleash a furious speech upon you, but he was stopped by Ivar suddenly chuckling.

The heathen turned his gaze to you and his grin was simply sinister.

‘Tell me what is your name.’

‘I am Sister (Y/N), a nun of the church.’ you answer as bravely as you could.

‘What is a nun?’

‘A woman of the church, I have dedicated my whole life to my lord Jesus Christ and my church.’ you answered.

Ivar nodded slowly as he leaned back in his chair.

‘And do you really think marrying a viking is the worst thing that can happen to Christian woman?’ he continued.

‘It is, I can’t think of nothing worse than to be forced to leave this place to have an unholy husband.’ you answered honestly, praying that the pagan would have mercy.

‘I see, you do not want to see any of your fellow Christian women suffer that fate?’

‘No I don’t.’ you said, a hope building in your heart.

The smile that crossed Ivar’s face let you know that there was nothing merciful about this man.

‘Then it is decided…you will be my bride. I am sure the others greatly appreciate your sacrifice.’ Ivar grinned as he watched the hope die in your eyes.

‘W-what?’ you gasped as you began to back away from the table.

‘Grab her.’ he said calmly before going back to his food.

Before you could try to run away two men, Christian soldiers, had grabbed you by each of your arms, their grips so tight that you were sure they’d break your arms if you struggled.

‘Take her to our camp, put her in my tent. Make sure she is there when I return.’ he ordered.

With no response from either men they began pulling you away.

‘W-wait! Please don’t! Have mercy! I beg you for mercy!’ you cried and pleaded as you were dragged away kicking and screaming, but it was in vain.

There was no mercy in Ivar’s cold eyes as he watched you struggle.

All you could do was cry helplessly as you were ripped away from the kingdom you had never stepped foot out of.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivar gets better acquainted with his bride to be.

Your loud pleading cries eventually dies down to sorrowful sobs as you were lead through the woods to the Heathen camp.

‘Please…my Christian brothers I beg of you to let me go.’ you begged your voice sore from your previous cries.

While neither had stopped pulling you forward the one on your left at least had the decency to respond to you.

‘We are sorry Sister (Y/N), but if it is either you or one of our wives or daughters then we have made our choice. May God have mercy on us for it, but if protecting our families is sinful then I will sin for as long as there is life in me.’ he said.

‘There is no sin in protecting family, but handing over a fellow Christian to a hoard of Heathens is not holy.’ you tried.

This time the man didn’t reply, only kept his eyes forward, he would not let you persuade him; and the other had still yet to say a single word.

As the tents and came into view you lost your last bit of hope of getting away.

There were large animal pins in the center of the large field surrounded by tents and other things you had never seen before.

As you looked around the camp the soldiers lead you to a tent closest to the woods.

‘Get in, and stay put.’ the silent one finally spoke as he pushed you inside so hard that you fell to your knees.

You knew already they would be guarding the tent to make sure you didn’t escape, not that you really could anyway. You had no clue how to get back to your kingdom and you couldn’t outrun those men if you tried.

So all you could do was sit on the ground and pray.

You prayed for your Lord’s mercy and asked him for the strength to survive this horrible fate; but mostly you asked why.

Why had you been the one chosen to sacrifice? Why had this been your fate and what had you done to deserve such a thing?

You lived only to serve your God and your church. You were not sinful and you lived as godly as you possibly could; you were a good nun.

Soon you realized you were crying as you clutched onto your cross, unsure when you had stopped praying and began crying. You weren’t even sure how long it had been.

You figured it must have been very late since you soon heard the return of the army returning; loud and drunk.

They were cheering, or so it seemed to you, you didn’t speak a word of their language. They could be cheering about killing you right now and you were clueless.

You were snapped out of your own head by the sound of someone getting closer to the tent.

Filled with the strongest fear you’ve ever felt you scrambled to crouch in hid in the darkest corner furthest away from the entrance.

‘Is she in there?’ you heard Ivar’s voice.

‘She made no attempt to escape.’ one of the soldiers replied.

‘Well that’s too bad, I was looking forward to killing you both had you failed.’ Ivar laughed loudly.

The soldiers didn’t respond to that, not that you could blame them, they were probably making the same horrified and disturbed face as you.

You held your breath as you watched Ivar open the tent entrance and crawl in.

His eyes searched the tent for you and by some miracle it appeared he didn’t notice you.

After a second he chuckled.

‘It seems I will be killing you after all.’ he mumbled before he started to yell, no doubt calling the others to kill the two soldiers.

In a second you watched a large group of viking men begin to pull the two Christians away from the tent.

‘WAIT!’ you shouted, jumping from your hiding place.

You ran right past Ivar who was sitting on the ground at the entrance as you hurried to try and stop the Heathens from killing the soldiers.

‘I’M HERE! I’M HERE! PLEASE STOP!’ you yelled running after the large group.

The men all stop and turn to look at you, making you the center of attention for the second time that day.

‘Please…stop.’ you said slowly, praying they would understand.

Ivar’s smooth voice came from behind and the warriors all groaned in annoyance as they let go of your fellow Christians.;

You sent the men a cautious look as you moved closer to the soldiers who had been thrown onto the ground like abandoned toys.

‘Are you hurt?’ you asked as you kneeled beside them.

‘They are fine, the question is will you be.’ Ivar said from where he was sitting just outside the tent.

You looked at him nervously.

‘Do you want me to let them go?’ he asked with his eyebrows raised in teasing.

Yes! You wanted him to let these men go, you wanted to be let go as well. However; just before you went to voice your answer you remembered how you ended up here.

A look at Ivar’s challenging face confirm your suspicions, this was a game, he wanted you to choose if these men lived or died.

He wanted you to gamble with these men’s lives at stake.

If you said you wanted them to live then he’d kill him for sure, but what if you said kill him and called your bluff? You had to make a decision.

‘No…kill them.’ you said as you stood and took a few steps back.

‘Kill them, why?’ Ivar asked with a smirk.

‘They practically delivered me to my personal hell on earth, so why should I spare their lives when they didn’t spare mine.’ you said as convincingly as you could.

Ivar watched you for a moment longer so you kept your indifferent face on him as well; finally he barked an order at the men and the soldiers were helped up and sent off.

You barely held back a sigh of relief.

‘Lucky for you I don’t like doing as I’m told, get inside.’ Ivar said as he crawled back into the tent.

You reluctantly followed behind him and kept your distance while he pulled himself up onto the cot.

He sighed tiredly as he looked at you.

‘Come closer, I want to get a good look at my soon to be wife.’ he said.

You followed his order, this man was clearly crazy already, you were sure disobeying him would result in disaster.

So you stood in front of him, trying not to shake in fear.

Ivar looked up at you and brought up his hand to your waist, making you nearly jump back in disgust.

You didn’t want to be touched that way by this man, or any man for that matter. Your mind, soul and body belonged to your Lord and Savior.

‘Keep still, what happens next will determine how you will spend the rest of your life.’ Ivar warned.

You went from practically shaking to frozen stiff as Ivar continued to run his hands over your hips, thighs, and even your bottom.

‘Tell me…what do you think of me, and I do advise you to be honest. I hear you Christians think lying is ungodly.’ he said as he continued to violate you.

‘I think…you are the most frightening man I have ever met. I see the bloodlust in your eyes and terrifies me, but…its not barbaric. You seem smarter than the others, you alone learned speak English, so you must be intelligent.’

‘Is that all you think of me?’

‘Is there anything else I should think?’ you asked.

Ivar studied your face for a second, before he lowered his gaze.

‘And what are you afraid of right now?’

‘I fear you…and what you and your people will do to me…’ you started, taking a breath to calm yourself.

‘But I am not afraid of death, for I know it is only temporary. My life would be martyred and my God will be pleased I was willing to die for him as he did for me.’ you answered honestly, finding comfort in your own words.

Ivar nodded keeping his head low.

‘I have decided.’

‘What?’

‘Help me take down my braids.’ he said as he began taking down his hair.

You quickly moved to follow his order, despite your confusion, moving your fingers through the intricate braids.

‘What have you decided?’ you asked once you were done.

‘Isn’t it obvious…I’ve decided to keep you.’


	3. Chapter 3

It had been two years since Ivar had decided to keep you.

Gone were your days of doing chores in the church, and enjoying your fellow sisters. Now you were in a foreign cold country surrounded by complete strangers that followed a religion you wanted nothing to do with.

If the physical displacement wasn’t hard enough to adjust to you also had to come to terms with the fact you were married to a very violent heathen.

At first you had tried to be optimistic; you would still have your religion and faith, your beloved kingdom was safe and maybe you could even learn a few things about these pagans. Those had been your hopes but they were foolish and downright naive.

Even before you had set foot on the boat Ivar made sure you knew that he wouldn’t tolerate your faith at all. He threw your cross into a fire and would scold you like a child no matter who was present. 

Ivar had also made it clear that he was in charge, he planned the wedding and did not ask your opinion on a single thing. He told you what would happen and what you were expected to say and do and that was the end of it. What a nightmare your wedding was, your dress wasn’t modest in any sense and blood from a lamb was poured on you.

Your wedding night had been even worse.

Despite how you had tried to explain that you were a woman of the church, in other words a virgin, he did not care at all. He was rough and completely ignored your protests and cries.

All of that horror had happened after he and his brothers had killed King Ecbert and before you had even arrived in his kingdom, Kattegat.

Once you arrived Ivar lead you to his estate and assigned you a servant who would teach you his language and the stories of his Gods. He forbid you from leaving his home until you were able to speak Norse fluently.

In your time of learning Ivar wasn’t exactly patient with you, he would often call you stupid for taking so long to learn. Ivar didn’t care who was around when he would berate your intelligence; be it his brothers, visiting Earls and Jarls or even just the thralls who kept the house.

When you finally were able to leave home to carry out the wifely duties that Ivar had placed on you the whole of Kattegat was already aware of how you were treated. You almost hated the looks of pity more than the looks of smugness from people who thought you deserved the abuse because of your faith.

Ivar was truly horrible, you sometimes thought his name should Ivar the Horrible not Boneless.  
If all Ivar was to you was abusive it would have been easier, then you would know exactly what to expect with him, but Ivar was not an easy person to understand.

He would humiliate and verbally abuse you all day, then at night he would climb on top of you and have his way with your body, but after he was something else.

After he had satisfied his primal needs he would lie beside your bruised body and speak to you in a soft voice about his mother and how she had always wanted to see all her sons find wives. 

The first few times he had done this you were touched and you thought maybe he wasn’t the monster he appeared to be, but it didn’t take him long to sour that as well. When he would catch you praying he would speak on how his beautiful mother would have hated having you as a daughter in law.

He would say that so much that at some point it stopped hurting, then one day you looked up and you found that you were now accustomed to this horrid life that you lived.

You would wake up alone, be dressed by thralls and then walk into the dining hall to have first meal with Ivar where you would refrain from praying over your food, then Ivar would go off on his business and you would run the household. After the last meal you would retire to your bed chamber then sometime later a drunk Ivar would come in mount you then whisper his soft words until he fell asleep.

Everyday it was the same, walking on eggshells trying not to provoke your husband’s anger and taking whatever abuse he had to offer that day.

There were times, when you would sit outside and sew, you would think about just walking to the docks and climbing onto a boat but you knew you never could. Ivar would take it as a great offense and would take his anger out on your kingdom.

So you stayed.

Now you are in the great hall at the high table with your husband, brothers in law and their wives.

Tonight there was to be a sacrifice to pray that the harvest be rich this spring, and your stomach was far too uneasy to eat.

Ivar was having none of it.

‘Why do you not eat? Do you want people to say I do not feed you?’ he hissed.

‘I am simply not hungry, my husband.’ you mumbled.

‘Eat, you are making me appear to be a cruel husband.’ he said angrily.

Not that Ivar noticed, but the cheerful atmosphere of the entire high table was immediately altered by the tone he used with his wife.

None of them agreed with the way he treated you, but any attempts they tried to speak to him ended with him being even angrier with you for days on end because you made people think ill of him.

‘I am sorry.’ you said softly as you picked up a piece of bread and took a small piece.

Ivar went back to his drink and found that everyone was staring at him in distaste, and like always it angered him.

‘Good. Now the night has been soured before the sacrifice.’ he snarled.

You again apologized for spoiling the mood and offered to retire so that he and his family could enjoy the feast and festivities, you had no desire to see the sacrifice any how.

‘No you will stay and watch the sacrifice, do you not want us to have a rich harvest? Does your Christ God say that we should starve this year?’

‘Of course not, but if my presence is spoiling your mood then I will leave if you wish it.’ you tried to placate him.

‘What kind of husband doesn’t want his wife by his side? You will sit here, you will eat and enjoy the sacrifice. Am I understood?’ he threatened.

‘Yes.’ you submitted as you lowered your head.

The rest of the family turned back to their own conversations, except Ubbe.

He was more like his father than the rest of his brothers in the sense that he didn’t hate the Christians. Ubbe saw no point in being overly violent with the Christians when they went out on raids or even with the Christian thralls at his own estate. He really didn’t like how horrid his younger brother treated you at all, but he saw trying to tell Ivar this only made him worse.

Even he as the eldest couldn’t tell another free man how to treat his wife.

For the next hour or so you nibbled at your plate and tried to be as invisible as you could, speaking to no one, not even raising your head to look around the hall.

At last Bjorn stood and announced that it was time to step out into the courtyard for the sacrifice to take place. 

Everyone else hurried out but you had to wait by Ivar as he stood up on his braces and crutches, he was still getting used to them. You were genuinely happy when he first showed you his new mode of transportation, but in the end it too made your husband irritable. The pain of the metal braces would make Ivar complain, and any offer you made to help made him think you saw him as weak.

Once Ivar was on his feet you followed behind him as he made his way to the front of the crowd, he wanted to be sure that he, and you, got a good view.

You took a small comfort in the fact that no Chiristians were ever sacrificed to the pagan Gods, the heathens felt their Gods would be insulted by having a non-believer sacrificed to them.

Still you hated the human sacrifices, no matter how many of them you had seen you still didn’t like to see another human die.

This time it was a man, you had seen him around town buying things for his family. You didn’t know him but that didn’t make watching him die any less horrible.

Bjorn gave the usual speech, asking the Gods for their favor, then he raised his ax and with one final swing he ended a life.

You tried not to flinch at the sound of it but you couldn’t help it, you didn’t need to look over to know that Ivar was smiling. You kept your eyes closed as the crowd cheered in celebration, and felt Ivar moved toward the blood bowl and took a sip like always and dipped his fingers in before he walked over to you.

‘May the blood of this sacrifice allow you to bear fruit as well wife.’ he said before flinging the blood onto your face.

You felt sick to your stomach and wanted nothing more than to wipe off the human blood and just go to bed and leave this day in the past.

‘If I may retire to the estate my husband, I do not feel too well.’ you requested.

Ivar rolled his eyes in annoyance but eventually he nodded and dismissed you with a wave of his hand.

You hurried off away from the festivities waiting until you were sure you were out of sight completely to wipe the blood off your skin.

As you walked you strayed from the trail back to your estate and into the woods, you had found a small clearing not long after you had began to explore your new home. It was in the spot perfectly between Ivar’s lands and Ubbe’s so none of the thralls Ivar had spying you traveled out this far.

You used this space to pray whenever you could get away from your husband.

Like usual you kneeled at a tree stump and brought your hands together for prayer.

‘Dear Father, how I have missed speaking to you like this. I wish I could pray to you everyday as I once did, but my husband will not allow it, even now I disobey him to speak with you.’ you started.

‘My Lord, everyday I find it harder to live on this earth with that man and I ask you as a mere servant… please give me some sign of your presence here. Surrounded by such horror and paganism it is becoming harder to have faith, and now my faith is all I have left. I fear that I can’t survive this world without my faith.’ you sobbed.

You soon began uncontrollably crying as two years of sadness hit you all at once, you could barely get it together enough to stand up and be on your way back to the trail.

Just as you had gotten on your feet you heard a rustle coming from behind you, immediately you reached for the dagger Ivar insisted you carry at all times.

The noise became louder and it became clear that this was not just an animal moving around but a person approaching you.

You got ready to defend yourself when at last Ubbe stepped into the clearing.

‘Ubbe! You nearly scared me to death!’ you whined, clutching your heart as you willed it to slow down.

‘Sorry, I departed shortly after you and decided to see to it that you got home safe, our soldiers get a bit too bold during a good feast.’ the Ragnarson explained.

‘Well thank you for your concern, but I am fine I will be on my way.’ you said quickly, moving to walk away but Ubbe caught you by your wrist.

‘You were praying.’

A panic took hold of you.

‘P-please don’t tell him.’ he begged as your eyes began to water once again.

If Ivar heard about you praying to your Christian God he would be angry with you for at least two weeks, and that’s if you’re lucky.

‘Do not cry, I will not tell him. Just let me walk you home, to make sure you are safe.’

You let out a cry of relief, and as Ubbe led you back to the pathway you tried to recenter yourself. Ubbe was a good man, and from what you heard from Margrethe he was a good husband.

Though his marriage to the former thrall wasn’t by any means Christ like, seeing how he shared her with Hvitserk, but he was always kind and trusting.

Nothing like your husband who you now truly believed didn’t a single kind bone in his body, and if he did it was probably one of the broken ones.

At last you two were at your door, you thanked him for his kindness.

‘I don’t consider ensuring your safety a kindness, it is a decency.’

‘I haven’t been shown much decency since I was brought here, so I do thank you. I hope you return home safely as well.’ you said.

‘Goodnight (Y/N).’ he bid farewell as you went inside.

Inside your home you head towards the chamber you shared with Ivar and found two thralls already there waiting to help you undress and get ready for bed. Removing Viking clothes is so much more time consuming than your old ones.

Once you were in your nightgown and your hair was unbraided you sent the girls away and got into your bed.

Silently you prayed, you had come to learn that most of the thralls doubled as spies for Ivar, and they felt no guilt telling him you were disobeying.

You weren’t sure when you drifted off or how long you had been asleep before you were rudely awoken by Ivar stumbling into the room and drunkenly falling into the bed.

‘Wife!’ he shouted.

You sighed and sat up, you already knew where this was going. So you stood up and moved to stand in front of him and began removing his leg braces.

Ivar only let two people do this for him, his personal healer and you. He would say he thought only a man’s wife should take care of him, but you knew he didn’t want anyone else seeing his legs.

You finally got them off and put them away while Ivar got undressed.

‘Come to bed.’

With a sigh you walked back to stand in front of your husband, and like he always did he ripped off your clothes and threw you onto the bed.

You don’t even bother trying to fight him anymore, he overpowers you physically, then once he is done he will lecture you on how evil you are for not wanting him as a wife should want her husband.

Ivar climbed on top of you, and with no gentleness he forced himself into your body and you let out a cry of pain. Your womanhood still hurt, it always hurt because Ivar would do this every night. 

At last he pulled himself out of you finished over your belly before he rolled over, you took the wet cloth from the bedside table and cleaned yourself.

‘In three days I will be leaving Kattegat to make arrangements with the Earl of Gotaland. If all goes well he and his soldiers will stand by me when I attack Hedeby next spring.’ Ivar said.

You were filled with a sensation you hadn’t felt in so long you could barely recognize it, joy.

‘How long will you be away.?’ you asked, trying not to sound excited.

‘If it were to go smoothly then at least two weeks time, but if what I’ve heard about this Earl is true then maybe a month.’ he informed.

A whole month without Ivar’s abuse.

‘I will be busy with preparations for the journey, so I will not be around as much. I will need you to make sure all my personal belongings are properly packed, as well as managing the home.’ Ivar said.

‘Of course.’ you said as you turned over.

Ivar sat there and watched you for a while and thought about how Bjorn would talk about his first wife, Thorunn, who would shower him in her love and affection whenever he left Kattegat for any amount of time.

He was eager to tell you that he was leaving, so that he could hear you go on about how much you will miss him, but you didn’t do that.

You just turned your back to him and went to sleep, as if you didn’t even care that he would be leaving.

Ivar’s stare became hard and angry before he leaned down and whispered into your ear.

‘My mother would have hated you...she was the only one in this world is whoever truly loved me.’ he hissed before he rolled over.

The next days were spent gathering everything Ivar would need on his journey; his clothes, weapons, oils for his braces, his bathtub and other things. Once that was done you spoke with all the thralls and let them know that they would report to you now.

Ivar was spending his time speaking with the men he would travel with, making sure all of them were on the same page, and preparing his battle tactic should things go horribly wrong. If your husband was anything it was prepared for the worst.

On the third day everything was chaos, you and Ivar running around getting the last minute things taken care of, double checking that everything was in order. It wasn’t until nightfall that you were both sure everything was ready, in the morning they could load up the carts and be on their way.

Honestly you were eager for sleep, tomorrow would be your first day of freedom.

Ivar came into the room and very tiredly came in and you removed his braces and he used you like he always did, but this time he did not stop.

He did not stop until the sun was raising and thralls began knocking on the door to tell him that they were beginning to load up the carts. By the time he got off of you and began getting dressed you felt so sore and tired you were surprised you could even move.

While you were being dressed Ivar watched you, his beautiful wife. He would often look at you and think back to the day that he decided he would take you as his wife. You hadn’t even mentioned his legs, and that was always the first thing about him people noticed and spoke about.

He knew in that moment you were the woman for him; you were beautiful, and clearly saw him past his disability. Sure you worshipped a false God, he could change that, and of course sometimes you would turn away from his touch but he knew how to make love to you.

Last night he had made love to you all night long, after all this would be the first time the two of you would be apart for more than several hours. Ivar wanted the night to be the best it could be and wanted it to be one to remember.

Once you and Ivar were outside you could see the other men loading their own carts with their families; their wives kissing them and praying for their return, their children hugging their knees.

It was truly a heartwarming sight, and Ivar saw it as well.

When Ivar had married you he wanted to immediately fill you with his children, but the time wasn’t right, he could not give his wife or child his full attention. Not with Lagertha still breathing, taunting him with her very existence, no he needed to avenge his mother first.

For now he would bask in the love of his wife.

He looked over at his wife, but she just kept looking around at the other families, practically ignoring him.

‘Wife.’ he said getting your attention.

You looked over at him and kept your face from twisting in distaste.

‘Yes Ivar.’

Ivar looked up at you and waited for you to wish him a safe journey or kiss him...anything to show you would miss him.

You stared at him and he stared back, him waiting on you to tell him you didn’t want him to leave, and you waiting for him to tell you what he wanted.

After about a moment he finally realized you would not say sweet things to him like the other wives and he turned away from you angrily and got in his cart.

Completely confused as to how you had upset him this time you watched him sit his crutches down beside him in the cart. The other men finally got onto their own carts and finally they began their journey.

You watched Ivar’s cart the whole time as it went down the path, you watched until you couldn’t see it anymore. If only to make sure he was really truly gone, that he wouldn’t just turn around and come back as soon as you looked away.

‘Mistress?’ one of the thralls finally spoke.

‘Yes, let us return home.’ you said.

As you walked back to your estate you kept your head low to hide your smile.

Ivar was gone you walked around the house giving orders and the first one you gave was to the cooks. You requested porridge, chicken and fruits, the standard meal from the church. You hadn’t had porridge since you married Ivar, he wanted you to eat like a viking and vikings ate meat and vegetables.

In the days that followed you would assign the tasks to the thralls and then go out and sit in for Ivar in the great hall. You would hear the men scoff whenever you spoke, clearly not respecting what you have to say as not only a woman, but also as a Christian.

You did not care, because at the end of the day you were still Ivar’s wife and Ivar was a very violent man who was easy to insult. No one in Kattegat would ever be so bold as to publicly disrespect his wife.

After the official business was done you would go to the markets, or maybe just a stroll through the woods so you could have your own private little mass.

One day as you were preparing to take the body of Christ Ubbe came into the clearing.

‘I saw you heading out here.’ he said.

‘Are you going to make a habit of watching me, I doubt Margrethe would appreciate that.’ you smiled.

You already knew Ubbe would not tell Ivar what you were doing here, in all honesty it was great to be open about your religion with someone.

‘She is with Hvitserk today, she will not mind whatever I do.’ Ubbe dismissed.

‘Your views on marriage are so strange to me, even after all this time.’ 

‘I am sure your Christian marriage customs are just as odd to me.’ he smiled.

‘I guess you are right, besides I should get used to heathen marriage since I am married to one.’ you sighed as you sat on a fallen tree.

‘Not all marriages are like yours (Y/N), not all husbands are as cruel as Ivar.’ Ubbe said, sitting beside you.

‘I can see that, in the way other women sit by their husbands and speak so boldly to them...I wish I could speak with so much confidence.’ you said as you picked at the dead bark.

‘Why don’t you?’

‘Ivar would lose his temper.’

‘He’s not here is he? Ivar is miles and miles away, looking for warriors to fight against Lagertha.’ Ubbe grinned as he moved to stand in front of you.

‘Go on, yell at me...as if I were Ivar.’ 

You looked up at him, fighting a smile, you wanted to do this, it would be so nice to do this. Like a massive weight lifted off your chest.

‘Y-you are too mean.’ you said softly.

‘What was that wife? I cannot hear you.’ Ubbe said, mocking Ivar’s voice in a way that made you giggle like a child.

‘I said you are mean.’ you said louder this time.

‘And...you never let me choose our meals, or make any decisions of my own. I have to request what you order me to request, be where you tell me.’ you continued.

‘Keep going.’

‘I hate how you talk...you are either whispering or yelling there is never an in between. I hate how everything I say and do is an insult to you!’ you shouted, standing up.

‘You always yell at me like a child, it’s humiliating!’

‘Let it all out!’ Ubbe encouraged.

‘I-I hate how you touch me!’ you yelled at the top of your lungs.

‘Woah.’ Ubbe said taking back a bit.

‘You are always too rough and it is never nice!’ 

You took a deep breath and in that moment you realized you were yelling at Ubbe, things that he probably didn’t want to know at all.

‘I’m sorry.’ you squeaked out an apology.

‘It is fine.’ Ubbe smiled.

‘No that was unacceptable, I should not have told you that. That information should be kept private, I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable.’ you said.

‘No it is fine really...but if I may ask, is Ivar really being too rough with you?’

‘...yes.’ you confessed.

‘Back home, I was so thankful for the church. No man ever laid hands on women of the church, we took vows of celibacy.’

‘My father told me about this. You wait until you are married to have sex.’ Ubbe said.

‘Nuns swear not to marry; their hearts, bodies and souls belong to their church and their God. I never wanted to marry at all Ubbe, but then the decision was made for me and even that forced marriage wasn’t Christlike.’ you said.

You sat back down and lowered your gaze to your lap, and chose to ignore the tears that hit your skirts.

‘Hey.’ Ubbe said as he kneeled in front of you and took your hand in his own.

‘I hate this marriage Ubbe, I hate everything about it. The man I’m married to, the wifely duties, the thralls, the estate...the sex. I hate the sex so much.’ you cried.

You cried for what like hours but was probably only a few minutes.

‘What uh...what does Ivar do? What makes the sex so bad, if you don’t ask mind me asking.’

‘Well...he comes in while I’m asleep, then he yells until I wake up, that’s when I take off his braces, then he’ll climb on top of me and have his way.’ you explained.

‘Have his way?’ 

You nodded.

‘Does he ever try to...make you feel good in anyway?’ he asked.

You shook your head.

‘If he has then I surely took no notice.’

‘Does he...ever kiss you?’

Again you shook your head.

‘Never.’

‘Never?’

‘Not once, a wife who has never felt her husband’s lips.’ you sighed.

‘What about touching you? Holding you? Anything?’ Ubbe asked.

‘What are you speaking of?’ you asked in complete confusion, you had no idea what your brother in law was talking about.

‘I mean has he ever treated your body the way it should be treated, touched you the way a woman needs.’

‘I don’t even know what you are talking about Ubbe.’ you admitted.

Ubbe looked down at your hands in his then he looked back up at you.

‘May I?’ he asked raising his hand.

You looked at him, confused but accepting.

He brought his hand up and lightly ran his fingers up and down your neck, barely touching you, just enough for you to feel it.

‘Has Ivar ever kissed you here?’

‘N-no.’

‘How about here?’ he said, placing his hand on you collar bone.

You took his hand and spread it out over your neck, so it looked as if he was going to choke you.

‘He pins me down like this some nights when I try to back away from him.’ you said.

Ubbe shook his head.

‘If this is what Ivar has been doing with you then you are no less a virgin than you were before he chose you. You are a virgin until you enjoy the sex you are having.’ he said.

‘I hear the other women speak of sex so fondly, and though it is a sin I become envious of them.’

‘Would you like to...try it?’ Ubbe offered.

‘Try what?’

‘Sex, enjoyable sex.’ he clarified.

Oh.

Your face went red as you prepared to say no but the word wouldn’t come out. Deep in your heart you knew that you wanted to try having sex that you would enjoy, but it would be adulterous.

Ubbe was your brother in law no less, could God forgive such a sin? Then again was your marriage even real, it wasn’t done in his ways, maybe it could be premarital sex?

No! You could not do this, and you are going to tell Ubbe this!

‘Y-yes.’ you said so softly even you yourself barely heard it.

Ubbe smiles before he began leaning into you.

‘If you want me to stop just tell me.’ He said before he kissed you.

You never told him to stop, he touched you in ways Ivar never had and he was gentle. That day you truly felt like a woman, like you had truly lost your virginity.

Ubbe let you explore his body as well as your own, he would run his hand over your body to see which parts of you were most sensitive. You would touch him and try the things you’d hear the other women talk about and he would tell you if he liked it.

It was practically educational.

After that day your entire schedule had changed each afternoon you would send the thralls back to the estate to do their chores then you would meet Ubbe in the clearing.

The place where you once worshipped had become the place where you would commit all kinds of sins with Ubbe. Everyday you would try something new, touching a new place, doing a different position. You were learning what you like and Ubbe was always there and willing to help you discover new things.

You never wanted this to end, finally you were seeing a silver lining in the stormy cloud that was living among heathens. Now you truly had the freedom to do as you pleased, in a way that you never had back in your tiny kingdom.

In your heart you were still a Christian, but you were choosing to believe God was forgiving. It was so much harder to ignore the temptation in a place where no one sees anything they are doing as wrong.

Ubbe was also encouraging you to be more expressive and to make decisions for yourself, like choosing clothes you liked and speaking whenever you had something to say.

You still wondered what exactly Ubbe had told his wife about what was going on between the two of you, margrethe didn’t seem too fond of you, but then again she never was to begin with.

All good things come to an end however, you had been told by an envoy that Ivar’s party was spotted two days ride away.

With your husband’s inevitable return, you needed to make sure you and Ubbe were on the same page. You were fairly certain that none of the thralls were aware of your rendezvous, and you didn’t want Ubbe to let Ivar become aware of your affair.

‘Well...what are we trying today?’ Ubbe asked as he came into the clearing, already removing his tunic.

‘Nothing...Ubbe, Ivar is returning.’ you told him.

‘I heard, so if you have any other things you’d like to try out-’

‘Ubbe!’ you gasped.

‘What?’ he asked.

‘We can’t do this anymore, don’t you understand? Ivar is coming back and if he heard so much as a word of this he would kill us both.’ you explained.

Ubbe walked up to you and took your hand in his, same as he had weeks ago, when all this had started.

‘I would never tell him, and I would never let him hurt you (Y/N)...not ever.’ 

‘What can you do to stop him. The larger part of the Great Army follow him, he has trusted spies walking all over Kattegat, the only reason they haven’t caught us is because he took them with him. He has the men, the money and the mind to kill anyone he pleases.’

He didn’t have an argument for that, everything you had said was true. Ivar was crazy, the way he thought was unlike any other man in this world, and he had the means to do as he pleased to whoever pleased.

‘I will hold the memories of all we have done close to my heart forever, and I pray that God will forgive all of my sins. I must prepare for my husband’s return, this will be the last time I come here, with Ivar returning I will be being watched just as before.’ you said.

‘(Y/N).’ Ubbe said, placing a kiss on your forehead.

‘Even if you are right, remember that you are his wife, and you are a free woman. If he ever hurts you then you have the right to ask for divorce, Bjorn is the King now. The army is bound to him by their armrings, do not just let Ivar rule over you anymore.’ he advised.

You knew you could never take that advice, it would get you killed, but still you nodded. If only to make Ubbe feel better.

‘If this is our last evening together, then let us enjoy it.’ he said as he lowered himself onto his knees and pushed up your skirts.

You gasped in surprise before you let your head fall back in pleasure, deciding to enjoy this last day of freedom before you returned to your chains.

That day you were surprised you could even walk back to the estate, your legs were still so weak. Honestly all you wanted to do once you were home was bathe and sleep, but that wasn’t an option, you had to prepare the home for Ivar tell the cooks to prepare his favorite meal and tell the healers to have all of Ivar’s usual treatments ready, and give the thralls a few last minute tasks.

As tired as you were sleep was evasive, tomorrow you would have to go back to walking on the eggshells of Ivar’s temper. You weren’t sure when you fell asleep, but when you were woken up by a thrall you were still dead tired.

One of the girls picked out a dress for you, a brown dress, Ivar had picked it out for you when he first brought you here, it was his favorite dress to see you in. 

You hated it.

‘Not that one, give the blue one, and I want the silver jewelry.’ you said.  
‘Mistress, the master is returning today.’ the girl said. 

‘I know, give me the blue dress and the silver jewelry.’ you said firmly.

You were filled with dread even as you were bathed you were meant to be at the docks, waiting with the other wives to see your husband’s safe return. Ivar didn’t like you wearing bright colors, he said it drew other men to look at you in a way no man other than he had any right to.

As you walked to the square you did see a few men spare you a glance, but you didn’t shy away from the attention. You really like this dress, you had it commissioned from one of the best dressmakers in Kattegat.

All the women and children around you were buzzing with excitement, ready to see their beloved husbands and fathers returning home safely. How you wished you could have felt the same way they all did, but how could you?

‘Please, My Lord...be with me in my time of troubles, for one is approaching.’ you whispered as you saw the party approaching the square, Ivar’s cart right in front.

Still as a stone you stone you stood as the other women ran to their husbands’ carts and wagons, even when your husband’s cart was right in front of you and the thralls were going to open the door you remained still.

Ivar’s eyes landed on you, his beautiful wife, with shining eyes, but they lost some of their happiness when he saw what you were wearing.

‘Wife...what are you wearing?’ he asked as he was helped out of the cart, leaning against while waiting for the thrall inside to hand him his crutch.

You didn’t recognize this thrall.

‘Who is she?’ you asked instead of answering.

Ivar glared, he noticed that you had not only avoided his question, but had even so far to question him.

‘This is Freydis, a thrall I received from the Earl, given to me in good faith.’ he said.

You looked the slave over, and saw her beautiful face and even in thin ragged clothes you could tell she had a gorgeous body. Even now as they were reuniting with their wives some were looking at the thrall at Ivar’s side.

‘Of course...good faith.’ you said plainly.

Ivar didn’t like this tone of yours, not at all. He had just returned after being away for a month and he was ready to have his wife run up to cry how much she had missed him. While away he managed to forgive her not being sadder to see him, maybe she didn’t truly believe that he was really going, but surely now that he’d been gone so long she should be happy to see him.

She should be wearing his favorite dress for her, she should be kissing him the way the other wives did their husbands. Instead she was in this ridiculous blue dress that she no doubt bought with his money, and questioning his faithfulness. 

‘Come, I wish to see the house, make sure it as it was when I left...since my wife has clearly changed.’ he snarled, looking you dead in the eye.

‘I apologize if I am behaving strange...Husband.’ you apologized, as you would have before, but you didn’t lower your head.

You looked him in the eye as you spoke, something you could rarely do before, but now it felt easier.

Ivar instructed the thralls to remove his items from the cart and have them brought to the estate while you, he and Freydis walked. He said he wanted the new thrall to become better acquainted with the house since she’d apparently be your personal thrall.

At that you had no reaction, and Ivar noticed it.

He did not like the way you were acting, he had brought you a thrall as a gift, he had safely returned home with even more warriors to fight against his mother’s killer. Ivar had missed her from the moment he got in the cart, and he couldn’t wait to be back in her arms.

Even when the Earl had gifted him with Freydis he knew it was meant to be a bed warmer, but even a beautiful woman like her could compare to his wife in his eyes. Freydis spoke words of encouragement, about how his deformity was a gift from the Gods and how he was greater for having them. Those words had truly touched him, but they were not what he needed to hear.

When he thinks back on the day he first saw his wife in that unimportant kingdom and saw her standing up to a king on behalf of the other women he admired her bravery, then when he met her in his tent and she figured out his little life or death mind game he was impressed by her intelligence.

He knew she was the perfect wife when he asked her what she thought of him and she spoke of how she feared him she said nothing about his legs. She spoke to him as she would have spoken to a man standing nine feet tall man, not some cripple who couldn’t chase her if she tried to run.  
Even once they were married she never mentioned his legs or let her eyes linger on them the way others always did. She treated him like a man and he loved her for that, for the way she feared and respected him.

Now she was treating him as if he wasn’t anything important to her, even the fear in her eyes were gone.

Something had to have happened while he was gone, and if it was the last thing he did he was going to find out what it was.


End file.
